Deleted Scenes
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"A trite, hackneyed mad scientist!"


In the next scene, we see Ringo's hand attached to some kind of complicated machinery. The camera pans up, and we see that Ringo's entire body is connected to a machine in a laboratory. Meanwhile, John is following the scientist, Professor Tiberius Foot, as he explains that the experiment probably won't work because he's using British equipment and not American.

In another part of the lab, Prof. Foot's assistant, Algernon, explains to Paul and George how the machine works: it will expand the molecules of the ring, until it grows large enough to drop off Ringo's hand. Ringo asks Algernon if he's "earthed" (grounded), and Algernon runs over to check Ringo's wiring. Meanwhile, Prof. Foot continues to rave about American technology. Algernon agrees, saying, "It's green, the earth in America." Paul interjects, "Some places it's brown, you know."

John approaches Algernon, saying that the scientist is getting nowhere. Algernon claims that he's simply having a problem determining the voltage for the equipment. John asks Ringo how he feels, and Ringo replies, "I used to use my hands." George asks Algernon if Ringo will still be able to drum afterwards, and Algernon asks, "Did he do a lot of it?"

The machine is finally ready, so Prof. Foot orders Algernon to increase the voltage. The voltage goes "up, up, up!" as Ringo turns a bright shade of red. The three other rings that Ringo is wearing fall off his hands, but the large red ring won't budge. Prof. Foot orders more voltage, but John's seen enough and orders Algernon to stop. John approaches Prof. Foot and says, "This is outrageous! You're nothing but a trite, hackneyed mad scientist!"

Meanwhile, the machine has somehow caused the zipper on Ringo's pants to slide down, and Ringo's pants drop to his ankles. Paul grins and waves at Ringo, while Prof. Foot declares, "With a ring like that, I could - dare I say it - rule the world." He decides that he must get the ring in any way he can, so he orders Algernon to get "The Laser" as he approaches the machine. John follows and orders Prof. Foot to get away from Ringo. Ringo asks John to "get him off," and John shows off a few boxing moves.

Suddenly, Ahme bursts in, wearing a pink outfit and holding a matching pink gun. She orders Prof. Foot to release Ringo or she'll shoot, and she's "a dead-eye shot, shooting." John disconnects Ringo from the machine, while Ahme orders Paul and George to switch off the controls. George pulls off some wires, while Paul whacks the machine with a clipboard. As Algernon connects the laser, Prof. Foot stalls by claiming that MIT had recruited him to rule the world for them.

John finishes disconnecting Ringo, and the Beatles prepare to leave. John wonders if they can trust Ahme, but Paul vouches for her, claiming they're "very close." At the same time, Algernon finishes connecting the laser, and he aims it at Ahme and the Beatles. The laser burns a line in the floor by Ahme's feet, but the laser shorts out before she is hit. Algernon says that he used the wrong plug, and he can fix it in 5 minutes, but the Beatles haved already escaped. Ahme is last to leave, and Prof. Foot looks at her sadly and says, "It the brain drain...his brain's draining."

8. The Jeweller

10. "You've Got To Hide Your Love Away"

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